I caused Global Warming: Blame Me

In a silly gag, I posted online that if they could, they would have blamed Trump for causing Global warming. A friend of mine said, “And the irony is he doesn’t believe in it.” And I laughed. But then another friend of mine said, “Well maybe not him but his friends caused it with their manufacturing.” I was taken a back a little. It was close enough to blaming Trump for Global warming making my joke…true. Which is weird because we all know I caused global warming and I am no friend of Trump.

Yes, I caused Global warming.

I remember flying from South Africa to the USA thinking, wow, how much fuel does thing need. And then as we landed in Italy on my way from Ethiopia I was told we needed to refuel. Our take off in Ethiopia used more fuel because of low altitude. I was amazed at how much we had burned and emitted into the atmosphere of the world. I have paid for these flights, consumed the fruits of the pollution. So yes, I caused global warming.

Let me go back to when I was just a kid in Zimbabwe. I totally loved going to town with my father. He would always find a pal who had a car heading that way and we would get a lift. Some of the cars where nice, and others were real transformers of cars. Put together to haul goods and there was no need for cosmetics and those cars smoked. They produce this thick black exhaust that screamed, “Global warming” and choked the people around as it hurtled to the ozone to work its magic. I rode these cars with glee, I enjoyed every minute of it as I caused global warming.

Ahem…forgive me for my farts…they caused global warming.

And now, I buy food that is transported in huge haulage trucks. Some of it is produced from those big farms where cattle sent gas into the atmosphere to wreak havoc. Yes, I am talking of sausages and t-bone steak. Oh my, don’t start with me on chicken, it is my favorite vegetable. And I eat it after those fuming cars deliver it. And yes, I sit at the table, say grace, and eat my global warming causing food and I love every single bite. And as I swallow I think not, but deep down I know I am causing global warming.

So yeah, I did it.

I promoted industries that are causing global warming. Just in the past two years I bought two global warming cars. I even bought global warming gas for my cars…I couldn’t find any other. Of course, I had to get to work but I could have biked. And of course, it was snowy and cold but I could have bundled up in that jacket that was made in China in a factory that is causing global warming. Left right and center, I cannot lie to you anymore, I caused global warming. I am still adding to it!

So blame me.

But if you are also causing global warming then own it up. Yes, say it with me, “I caused global warming” If you did not do any of the above, you are our green saint. The original environmentally friendly angel who farts not.

But if you are like me, stop pointing fingers. You caused global warming too. If you want to help, stop protesting and marching in the streets. All those collective farts are dangerous, all at once eh. Start boycotting all the global warming activities. If you are truly serious about this and not, simply bored and aimless in your life and needing a cause so you pick global warming. If indeed you have the heart stop pointing fingers and start looking at yourself. But if you truly need someone to blame, blame me.

I caused global warming!

 

Allen Matsika

Born and raised in the small town in the land of milk and honey in south central Africa, I moved to the USA to study philosophy. The hope was to understand where humanity had lost its way. I took a historical perspective on the trajectory of western thought and was especially struck by Thucydides' History of the Peloponnesian War. The memorable description of human nature in that book contributed greatly to my understanding of the human condition.

Life is a misery to be endured until we die. Even those with terminal illnesses find times of respite and laugh and enjoy their lives. So too is mortality a terminal illness. We will all die, I for one am glad this is so. But before that day I will define myself, I will not go without giving everything I have got, and I will love with all my heart.

I am proud to be an Afropolitan; a world citizen of African descend. I am called Allen and I love writing, eating, and singing in the shower!

Allen Matsika

Born and raised in the small town in the land of milk and honey in south central Africa, I moved to the USA to study philosophy. The hope was to understand where humanity had lost its way. I took a historical perspective on the trajectory of western thought and was especially struck by Thucydides' History of the Peloponnesian War. The memorable description of human nature in that book contributed greatly to my understanding of the human condition. Life is a misery to be endured until we die. Even those with terminal illnesses find times of respite and laugh and enjoy their lives. So too is mortality a terminal illness. We will all die, I for one am glad this is so. But before that day I will define myself, I will not go without giving everything I have got, and I will love with all my heart. I am proud to be an Afropolitan; a world citizen of African descend. I am called Allen and I love writing, eating, and singing in the shower!

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